Resist the temptation to mock others [49:11]
Here is today's reflection from the Quran:
In Sura Hujarat (49:11), it says: O believers, let no group make fun of another, for they may be better than them.
Reflection: The word for mocking used in this verse, sakhara, according to Tafsīr al-Mīzān means to say something which degrades someone and puts them down. It could be verbal or a subtle indication or could even be imitation. The aim is to ridicule and make others laugh at the person.
While mocking and ridiculing another is often done in the guise of humour, we need to remindo ourselves that it is no laughing matter as Allah loves all His creatures and when we are mean to others, Allah is not happy with us.
Imam Sajjād (as) says: From among the sins that bring down the wrath of Allah are oppression done by one who is aware, trampling on the rights of others, and mocking and ridiculing others.
Mocking can be done in many ways - It could be a verbal "joke", a rolling of the eyes, an imitation of gait, word or accent or something even more subtle than that. So the aim of mocking, both verbal and through body language and other nuances, is to ridicule the other and make others laugh at the person.
The person doing the mocking often counts on others to join [what is a joke if others do not get it?] and if one tries or stand up to it, they may be accused of being humourless, boring or "too uptight".
Yet, if we remove the humour or lightheartedness, the statements show up as merely nasty. Humour appears to give a gloss of moral invisibility to statements "made in jest" — but perhaps we should be more hesitant and reflective about what we're participating in and doing.
Mocking and looking down on others is a disease of the heart, it starts in our hearts with a looking down or a feeling of contempt towards others.
And why do we do it?
Psychologists explain that people tend to look down on others for various reasons: because of an inadequacy they see in themselves, to deflect attention from themselves, a feeling of unworthiness that can be soothed momentarily through putting others down, to fit in to a group, and a misguided attempt to gain popularity and respect from others by putting people down.
None of these sound very inspiring do they?
Why is mocking problematic?
1. It turns away from the real issue: We generally feel tempted to mock and deride others when we are feeling less than confident ourselves. We may subconsciously feel inadequate or bad about ourselves and may get a temporary boost in feeling better by putting others down. The German-Swiss poet, novelist and painter Hermann Hesse put it well when he said: "If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us."
2. The verse itself alludes to the fact that the person being mocked may, in fact, be better than the one doing the mocking. Since we do not know who is higher in status in the eyes of Allah. Allah has told us in the Quran that what gains status in His eyes is the quality of taqwa (Q 49:13), a quality which often hidden from others especially since humility and privacy acompanies taqwa. By mocking others we may actually be looking down at one of God’s beloved creatures.
3. The pseudo good feeling and morale boost that we may experience from mocking others is very short lived and greatly hampers our own spiritual progress for it turns the attention outward to others rather than inward to our own issues.
4. Scholars have compared mocking others to putting a knife through their soul, and murdering their morale and confidence. Just as doing that to the body would be deemed extremely serious, such assaults on the soul must also not be taken lightly. Science confirms that looking down on others is a very easy way to destroy our personal relationships because we send out vibes which turn people away from us. Being on the receiving end of contempt has been shown to be very destructive for our wellbeing and in studies, being on the receiving end of contempt has been shown to especially problematic for women.
How to live the message of this verse: We can use this verse to remind ourselves of the seriousness of mocking others, that is NOT "simply a joke" and that our words have real power to hurt someone.
We can recite it in a gathering where someone is being ridiculed and make sure we are not a part of it. We can of course choose to defend the person being mocked, deflect attention from him, or at least leave the gathering, whatever is possible for us to do at that moment. At the very least, let us not particpate in it and make it worse.
It is also very easy to mock others in the virtual world and we need to be particularly mindful on social media. We can stop, and think about that person before we comment on social media. Is our comment positive, helpful, inspiring or uplifting in anyway? Or is it negative, spiteful and capable of hurting someone? We must not say anything in text or comment that we would not have the courage to say someone to their face.
Verse in action: If we were all living this verse, people would feel emotionally and psychologically safe in our presence and not feel judged or attacked. Our conversations would be free of negative, hurtful and mocking comments towards others.
Dua:
Here is an excerpt from the Supplication for Monday from Du‘ās for the Days of the Week and it helps us mend and heal the rift that is caused to others through our actions.
"O Allah . . . I ask You concerning the complaints of Your servants against me: If there is a male or female servant from among Your servants, who has against me a complaint because I have wronged him in respect to himself [or herself], his reputation, evil words I have spoken about him in his absence, whether he be absent or present, alive or dead, such that my hand has fallen short any my capacity has been too narrow to make restitution to him or to annual my obligation to him/her.
I ask You, to make [the one I have wronged] satisfied with me in the manner that You will, and give me mercy from Thee"!
