You Will Find Him [4:110]

We have been talking about how souls can drift away from righteousness, what this costs and how Allah [swt] is always inviting us to turn back to Him. 

Today’s verse includes a promise from Allah [swt]

وَمَن يَعْمَلْ سُوءًا أَوْ يَظْلِمْ نَفْسَهُ ثُمَّ يَسْتَغْفِرِ اللّهَ يَجِدِ اللّهَ غَفُورًا رَّحِيمًا 

[4:110] And whoever does evil or acts unjustly to his soul, then asks forgiveness of Allah, he shall find Allah Forgiving, Merciful.

The verse is talking about whoever does evil [scholars explain one meaning could be that this refers to wrongs towards other people] or acts unjustly [towards his own soul], in other words both harm to others and to self through sinning. 

If such a person asks for forgiveness, yajid — he will find. The verb is active, immediate and certain. He will find. And what attributes will Allah [swt] be manisfesting when the seeker finds Him? Forgiving, Merciful. 

To find something implies that it was there all along, waiting to be encountered. You do not find something that has been removed. You do not find someone who has walked away. The grammar of this verse reminds us that Allah has not gone anywhere. The one who turns and seeks will not be reaching into emptiness. He will find.

Tawbah as the repair of attachment

There is a concept in psychology called secure attachment which is essentially the experience of knowing that the one you are in relationship with will be there when you turn to them. If there is a “rupture” in the relationship, it can be repaired, and that if you reach out, you will be received. A secure attachment where you do not have the fear of abandonement is considered the foundation of lifelong emotional and psychological wellbeing.

Imam Zayn al-‘Abidin (as), in Dua at-Tawbah (Dua #31, Sahifa Sajjadiyya), speaks to Allah in language saturated with this relational quality which is founded on a secure attachment. He does not approach Allah [swt] as a defendant before a judge. He approaches as one who knows he is known and loved despite being known completely and with all human frailties. 

After having confessed his humility before God, he says: “So he turned toward You, hopeful of You, ashamed before You, and directed his desire toward You, trusting in You.”

What Imam [as] teaches us in this dua is that Allah [swt] does not abandon. He does not withdraw or become unreachable when we wrong ourselves. As soon as we are ready to return, we will find Him Ghafuran Rahima. A Lord who is Forgiving. A Lord who is Merciful. A Lord who was already leaning toward the returning servant.

The rust desolves

Imam Ja‘far al-Sadiq (as) says: “When a servant turns to God with sincere repentance (tawbatan nasuhan), God loves him and covers him in the world and the Hereafter.” When asked how He covers him, the Imam replied: “He makes the two angels forget what they wrote of his sins. He inspires his bodily members: conceal his sins. He inspires the earth’s places: conceal the sins that he used to commit over you. Then he meets God in such a manner that there is nothing to give witness against him regarding any sin.”

In other words, the rust that covered the hearts, the evidence of the harm done to ourselves, is not only forgiven but actually erased with no trace left. The witnesses forget. The places forget. The returning servant meets Allah in a state of original purity. 

As the famous hadith from Imam al-Baqir (as) states: “One who repents from sin is like one who has not sinned.”

For reflection

• Is there something I have been holding back from bringing to Allah, fearing He will not receive it? What would it mean to trust the All-Forgiving, All-Merciful and bring it anyway?
• How does it change my understanding of tawbah to think of it as repair of a relationship, rather than settlement of a debt?

PS: Did you know that this content is also available [in a bit more depth] as a podcast?

https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/loving-and-living-the-quran/id1039955011

PPS: Here is a webpage with lots of resources for a meaningful Laylatul Qadr: https://www.livingthequran.org/blog/Resources%20for%20Laylatul%20Qadr